Hetalia Fairytales
by tedy1
Summary: This is a fic with parodies of many fairytales! The first one is Little Red Riding Hood with North Italy as the Little Red Riding Hood and Prussia as the wolf. Warning: Yaoi!
1. Little Red Riding Hoodless Italy

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia

Hetalia Fairytale

Little Red Riding Hood-less Italy

Once upon a time, there was a little and cute Italian who lived in the Italian Peninsula. Even thou he was adored by many nobody gave him a red riding cloak because all the nations in Europe were in economical crisis, but that's a different story. Fortunately for him he was cute enough to get a nickname without the cape and he was called Ita-chan by all.

One morning, Ita-chan asked his older brother if he could go to visit his grandfather, Roman Empire, since he recently got kicked from heaven for molesting the angels and turning Virgin Mary into a party animal and beside that it had been awhile since they'd seen each other.

"Fine, but make sure that he doesn't turn you into a pervert!" his brother said. So they packed a nice backpack for Ita-chan to take to his grandfather.

When the backpack was decorated with white flags, the little boy pulled his brother's curl for goodbye and ran away before the tomato that was trowed at him had any chance of colliding with his head.

"Remember, go straight to Grandpa's house and don't eat all of his pasta!" his brother shouted. "Don't dawdle along the way and please don't talk to perverts! Europe is dangerous."

"Don't worry; Romano." yelled Felicino, while dodging another tomato, "I'll be careful."

But when Italy noticed some lovely flowers that resembled pasta in the woods, he forgot his promise. He picked a few, tried eating them and when he found out they weren't really yummy he settled for watching England in his Britannia Angel outfit, who was trying to fly by the way, and France in a kinky frog outfit who was trying to help him by croaking. It took little Italy few minutes to come with the deduction that they were either drunk or insane and he should better run away before they decide to molest him. Italy was enjoying the warm summer day so much, that he didn't notice the dark shadow that Prussia's chicks were creating from behind him.

Suddenly, Prussia and his army of chicks appeared beside him.

"What are you doing out here, Ita-chan?" Prussia asked in a voice as sugarcoated as possible.

"I'm on my way to see my Grandpa who lives in an apartment!" Italy replied.

Then he realized how late he was and quickly excused himself, rushing down the path to his Grandpa's house before said grandpa was able to molest all of his new neighbors. Prussia, on the other hand, did the smart thing and took a shortcut.

Gilbert, a little out of breath from running, arrived at Grandpa's apartment and after banging on the door and getting no answer he let himself in, after investigating the apartment he found out that Roman Empire was preoccupied in the bedroom closed with a certain long haired blond and decided to live things as they are now.

When Italy entered the apartment, he could scarcely recognize his Grandfather, who was strangely looking more perverted than usual.

"Grandpa Rome! Your voice sounds so odd. Is something the matter?" he asked.

"Oh, I just have touch of a cold." squeaked Prussia adding coughing and choking sounds at the end to prove his point.

"But Grandpa Rome! What big ears you have!" said Italy as he poked the bunny ears on Prussia' head.

"The better to hear you with, my dear~." replied Gilbert.

"But Grandpa Rome! What red eyes you have!" said Italy.

"The better to see you with, my sweetheart~." replied the albino.

"But Grandpa Rome! What big teeth you have!" said Ita-chan his voice quivering slightly.

"The better to bite your curl with, my cutie~." roared the ex-nation and after leaping out of the bed he began chasing the helpless Italian around the room. But then Prussia's brother, Germany, came and ran away with Italy far away from the strange noises coming from the closed and Prussia's chick army and they lived happily ever after until Prussia found their hide out and the poor backpack lay forgotten and never felt the joy of being opened.

**I hope you liked the chapter, don't forget to review and if you can give me some pointers on how to improve the quality of my writing it will be appreciated! **


	2. Prussia and the three kids

Do note that this happens in medieval time so Ukraine, Russia and Belarus are still kids!

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia

Hetalia Fairytale

The Prussia, the three Young Kids, the arch-rival and the lazy Greece

Once upon a time there was a lazy nation. He had three adopted little siblings: Ukraine, Russia and Belarus, and one arch-rival, Bulgaria, who loved partying and being a pain in the behind. Greece wasn't too found of any of them but had no choice but to put up with them or else they would declare him war. One day he wanted to go to the woods to get some food since Bulgaria had made another killer party to spite him, and now they had no food save for some yogurt, which was going to disappear soon as well. So he called all of them and said:

"Headaches, I'm going into the woods and will probably be late again because I'll take a nap. Be on your guard for Prussia. If he gets in, he will make you tell him he is awesome and annoy you to death. The albino often disguises himself, but you will recognize him at once by his use of the word awesome, especially if he is revering to himself, and by his white Teutonic knight outfit."

The kids said, "Greece-niichan, Bulgaria-niichan will babysit us. You can go away without any worries."

Then Greece looked in Bulgaria's direction, who was clutching an invitation for yet again another party, this time in Mongolia's place, and was grinning from ear to ear. After giving his rival an "I'll know if you go and then you'll be sorry!" look he headed towards the woods.

It was not long before someone knocked at the door and called out, "Open the awesome door, not so awesome children, your awesome big brother is here, and has brought something awesome for each one of you!"

But the little kids and Bulgaria knew by the use of the word awesome that it was Prussia.

"We will not open the door," the Ukraine cried out. "You are not our torture target. He is sleepy and don't use the word awesome when he is speaking to us, he prefers hell spawns. You are Prussia!"

So the wolf went to England and bought himself a lazy pill, which he ate, making himself less energetic. Then he came back and knocked at the door, calling out, "Open the door, abominations. I came back from the woods and have candy!"

But the Prussian's clock showed throe the window. Belarus saw it and cried out, "We will not open the door. At least change your outfit for crying out loud! You are Prussia!"

The villain went for a third time to the door, knocked at it, and said, "Open the door for me, children. Your annoyed big brother has come home, and has brought every one of you something from the woods."

Russia cried out, "First show us your outfit so we may know that you are our babysitter and there better be candy in your basket or else!"

So he put the end of his coat inside the window, and when they saw that it wasn't white, they believed that everything he said was true, and they opened the door. And who do you think came in? Prussia! Having enough of this nonsense Bulgaria hit Prussia with a stick few times and then led him to Mongolia's party where they ended up chained to a bed by a very purvey looking Mongolia, but that's not important since they managed to escaped before Mongolia was able to come back with the wiped cream.

Soon afterward the lazy Greece came home from the woods. Oh, what a sight he saw there. The door stood wide open. Table, chairs, and benches were tipped over. The washbasin was in pieces. The covers and pillows had been pulled off the bed. He looked for his siblings, and he found them. Belarus was trying to put kitty ears on her big brother Russia, Ivan was running away and Ukraine was crying while trying to cut Belarus in half with a big axe. Greece face palmed himself and invited himself over in Bulgaria's house, living the three chibis to wreck his house while he takes a nap.

**I will make Prussia the wolf in all of the other chapter as well! It fits his personality, doesn't it? Don't forget to review! **


	3. The Three Baltics

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia

Hetalia Fairytale

The Three Baltics

Once upon a time there were three little Baltics and the time came for them to leave home and seek their fortunes, much to Russia's displeasure and protesting.

Before they left, their friend told them **"You'll be back."**

Latvia built his house out of straw because it was the easiest thing to do and the less dangerous too!

Lithuania built his house out of sticks. This was a little bit stronger than a straw house, but still very fragile and unreliable for shelter uses in case of bombing.

Estonia built his house out of bricks. He actually wanted to make it into a huge computer but then he figured Russia may hack it and gave up on his dream.

One night the big bad Prussia, who dearly loved to molest the Baltics, came along and saw the first little Baltic nation in his house of straw. He said "Let me in, Latvia-chan, Let me in, little not as awesome as me kid or I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll blow your house up and then I'll chain you to a wall!"

"Please don't hurt me...but I won't open the door!" said the little Baltic.

But of course Gilbert did blow the house up and, with the help of his chick army, was able to make a Latvia sandwich and left him for latter.

The Prussian then came to the house of sticks.

"Let me in, Let me in little Lithuania or I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll blow your house up with my awesomeness and then you'll be wearing that cute apron of yours once more!"

"You Pervert! Go away or I will call Poland!" said Lithuania.

But the Prussian blew that house up too, and after he made Lithuania dress up as maid he left him with his Latvia sandwich.

The albino then came to the house of bricks.

"Let me in, let me in!" cried Prussia "Or I'll huff and I'll puff till I blow your house up and then you will join your fellow Baltics on that wall!"

"Ha, come and get me if you can, you pervert!" said the last Baltic nation.

Well, Prussia huffed and puffed but he could not blow down that brick house, he even send his army of chick to drop mini bombs on the roof but to no avail.

The albino was a sly, old, perverted and quite creative man and he climbed up on the roof to look for a way into the brick house.

Estonia saw the self-centered ex-nation climb up on the roof and lit a roaring fire in the fireplace, which was actually build on top of a nuclear barrel, and placed on it a large kettle full of water, mixed with snake venom for kicks.

When the arrogant albino finally found the hole in the chimney he crawled down and bam, right into that kettle of water and after that in the nuclear barrel. That was the end of his troubles with the big bad Prussia since England came and send him to jail. On the trial Prussia had the misfortune of having Russia as the judge and his side of the story, in which he claimed he was actually searching for some sugar and not trying to molest the Baltics at all, was ignored and so he was send to Siberia for two months. And the three Baltics went back to Ivan and lived not-so-happily ever after.

**Which fairytale should I use next?**


	4. The Frog Prince

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.

The Frog Prince

Once upon a time, there lived a blond nation who adored magic, so much in fact that he once put a spell on himself which enlarged his eyebrows but that's not important. His favorite toy in the world was his wand.

On hot days, which were rare and far in between in England's territory, he liked to sit beside an old well in the cool forest, casting random spells and hoping that one of them may make America a little less noisy and a lot cuter. One day, after having a nasty fight with one of his fairy friends, England dropped his wand into the well, which was so deep that he could not see the bottom, although even to this day he still claims that he would have been successful if his unicorn wasn't blocking the few and acting like an annoying child.

"Stop jumping around! Oh, great, just great, now I have to make myself a new wand, damn unicorn!" Arthur said and started a glaring contest with his unicorn.

Suddenly, a voice called out from below.

"What's the matter, beautiful England? Why are you glaring at me?"

England looked all around but couldn't see anyone or anything for that matter since the unicorn was currently making it hard for him to countertrade by trying to eat his hair.

"Down here." said the little voice.

Arthur, and strangely enough the unicorn, who had abounded his attempts to eat Arthur's hair and had decided to eat his clothes instead, looked down and saw a blue-eyed nation poking his head out of the water.

"Is that you, France?" England said. "Well if you must know, I'm upset because my wand fell into the well."

"I could get it back for you, but only if you promise to let me go to your house for a while." said France

"All right, but if you brake my wand France I promise to curse you!"

France dove deep into the well and soon returned with the wand in his mouth, demanding a kiss in exchange for it, but all he resived was a nice fist and few spells that had rather unpleasant and painful effects on his vital regions.

France was not easily discouraged and fallowed from afar, successfully managing to sneak into England's house before him, after that success France presided to shamelessly fallow England around and making more than one perverted remarks, especially when he was able to talk England into eating from the same plate with him. Not to mention the random gropes the Brit had to endure during that nightmarish, for him that is, France enjoyed it so much he wanted to turn it into an everyday thing, dinner. By the time England got tired and decided to go to bed France was already waiting for him in the bedroom. Deciding that enough is enough, and that he was now officially in war with his cackling unicorn that was probably to blame, England cast a spell on France and thus turning him into a frog.

England slept peacefully that night and had to wake up only twice, the first time was to turn his positively evil unicorn into a mouse and the second one was to lock said mouse with France while said blond nation was still in his frog form. The next morning France was telling anyone who was willing to listen that a ghost had made him a saint, needles to say no one believed him and he was turned in a frog again, this time by Russia because he wanted to use him as a decoy for Belarus, not that helped him much since she caught him anyway.

**Sorry for the extremely late update everyone, I hope you liked the chapter.**


	5. Prussia and his Stubbornness

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.

Prussia and his Stubbornness

There was once a woman who gave birth to a little son, and as he came into the world with a smirk, it was predicted that he would have Germania's daughter, Belgium, for his wife. It happened that soon afterward Germania found out about that and was quite displeased. He didn't want to give his daughter to a nomadic tribe's son so he snatched him away and put baby Bulgaria in a box, who made sure to show his displeasure by crying at the top of his lungs and cursing Germania in baby language, and rode away with him until he came to a deep lake, then he threw the box into it and thought, _"I have freed my daughter from her undesired suitor."_

The box, however, had a very irritated and stubborn baby in it that simply refused to sink, and after the little baby was able to lift the lit he started using the box as a boat. It floated to within two miles of Germania's chief city, where there was a mill, and it came to a halt at the mill-dam. A miller's boy, who by good luck was standing there, noticed it and pulled it out with a hook, thinking that he had found a great treasure, but when he opened it there lay a cute boy inside, who made sure to put extra effort into his puppy-dog eyes technique. Dimming the child cute enough to be saved, he took him to the miller and his wife, and as they had no children they were glad and continued to hug baby Bulgaria, not noticing the creepy smile on the child's face, who was glaring at Germania's castle.

It happened that once in a storm, Germania went into the mill, and asked the mill-folk if the tall youth that was making maps of his castle's weak points was their son.

"No, he's a foundling. Fourteen years ago he floated down to the mill-dam in a box, and the mill-boy pulled him out of the water. We don't know why he is making all those maps; he used to be so much cuter and less creepy as a baby."

Germania knew that it was none other than the child he had tried to get rid of and so he said in his nicest voice:

"My good people, could he take a letter to my dear wife, Roman Empire? I will give him the status of a nation as a reward."

He wrote a letter to his wife, in which he said:

_As soon as the boy arrives with this letter, let him be killed and buried, and all must be done before I come home or no bedroom action for a week!_

The boy set out with this letter, but he lost his way, how exactly was he able to do that is since he was only an hour away from the castle is still a mystery but rumor has it that it happened when he ran in circles in hopes of running away from France, "The shameless molester" king of all perverts, and that he succeeded by throwing England at the wretched king and then running as fast as he could without looking back. In the evening he came to a large forest. In the darkness he saw a small light; he went towards it and reached a cottage. When he went in, he saw Hungary sitting by the fire, giggling while staring at a photo album.

Deciding that he would be safer in an erupting volcano than anywhere near her, or anywhere else that was even remotely life threatening for that matter, he quietly continued his journey. When he finally reached the castle it was already extremely late and Roman Empire was sleepy and cranky. In the perverted nation's mind the death penalty wasn't good enough punishment for the nation that dared to disturb his sleep, so he plotted and plotted and came with the solution for his problem, which was simply to marry Bulgaria to Germania's eldest son: Prussia.

Bulgaria, of course, tried to escape during the wedding but failed miserably. His days as a married nation consisted of getting annoyed to death and getting more than he wanted in the bedroom since Prussia actually liked the idea of being married, especially the part in which he got to say he's awesome more than 100 times a day and his husband wouldn't have the right to walk away. By the time Germania returned Bulgaria already wanted divorce, so he approached Germania with his request, but the blond was still angry at him for unknown reason and so he said with a mean smirk.

"You married my son and I'll let you divorce him only if you bring me three golden hairs from the Devil!"

Bulgaria frowned but started his journey, figuring that nothing can be worse than the horny beast he was forced to call his wife and even awesome, which was done only in private, usually for the sole purpose of getting some peace and quiet.

When he entered Hell he saw Prussia already waiting for him there, looking quite comfortable in the Devil's throne and somehow having a devil style tail, watching his nails and grinning from ear to ear. When Gilbert noticed Bulgaria he stood up and cheerfully ran up to him and glomped him.

"My not-as-awesome as me hubby, as you can see you're married to the new Devil, aka me, the awesome Prussia, and since I'm not blond you might as well give up any hope on divorce. And don't look so annoyed, you have only yourself to blame for accepting the nickname "Prussia of the Balkans"."

And so Prussia kept his husband, mainly in the bedroom, and in black shirts and tight black pants and some kinky clothes that should remain unknown. And what happened to the real Devil you may ask? Well, he is currently in France's bedroom, what those two are doing in there I leave to your imagination.

And so everyone lived kinkily ever after.

I just had to write it, sorry for the randomness. 


	6. Sleeping Hungary

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia

Sleeping Hungary

Hungary, also known as the biggest Yaoi fan girl, had many wishes. One of said wishes was to find a way to lure male nations in a dungeon and then make them do their activities, preferably in front of a camera.

Alas none of them were willing to do such a thing, so she plotted and plotted and after few days she had the perfect plan. She would pretend to be a damsel in distress, even thou she wouldn't like it, lock herself in a place from which only she could escape and then the male nations will be foolish enough to come in order to safe her and once they enter her maze of a castle there would be no way for them to return.

And just as planned the giggling female was able to make the perfect stronghold. With alligators swimming in the nearby lake, snakes hiding in the rose bushes, candy leading to traps, herself in the top tower with enough weapons to start a war, just in case someone was indeed unfortunate enough to reach that far and actually consider jumping from the window an option, and more.

When all was done she made herself comfortable and waited for the poor nations that were going to show up. Much to her delight she didn't had to wait for to long as Prussia had already started a rescue mission of his own. And so he came, being lifted in the air by his chicks, who were complaining that he had gained weight from eating too many of Austria's cakes. When the "prince charming" was just above the lake his form of transportation just gave up and so Prussia ended up in the lake, where the trained perverted alligators were waiting to ambush him and that's how he got captured and throwed in a dungeon, where he was chained and striped. Quite sorrowful from his chick's betrayal and quite panicked from Hungary's giggling he just waited for his punishment to begin.

Not long after the second rescuer came. It was France; he was running towards the castle naked and giggling with a blindfold on, which was the main reason why he crushed into the castle's walls and fell into the special trap door under said walls and right into the dungeon. England soon fallowed, he was actually chasing France because the blue eyed pervert had the nerve to strip in front of him and then run in a random direction, although the fact that he was in a sugar height all day long was the reason for this strange phenomenon. The unsatisfied Brit had tried to catch his lover but Francis was too fast for him and so he had to venture into the castle to find him.

Soon many other nations started falling into Hungary's traps and she became bored with it and decided to take a nap, said nap took 5 minutes in which Canada was able to destroy the castle gate, break the walls in the maze, go up the stairs, make out with Hungary until she wakes up and then jumping out of the window James Bond stile. As a result everyone was able to escape.

As Hungary watched the retreating nations she smiled creepily, black aura coming out of her, she eventually decided to go back to sleeping. Just before she fell asleep again she couldn't help but thing that even thou all of the nations had escaped this time, they will return tomorrow. And that's exactly what they did, but this time Canada wasn't there to safe them and after Russia agreed to be the dragon their chances to ever be free again literally vanished into thin air...lucky them. And what did Hungary did while all of the male nations were sleeping, you ask? She became lazy and slept all day long, only waking up to watch one of her many perverted videos.

Cinderella is next! Should I make North Italy Cinderella or should it be Germany?


	7. Germanyella

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia

Germanyella

Once upon a time there lived an unhappy young blond German nation. Now, Germany's life wasn't that bad, he had a loving, but quite egoistic chick obsessed brother who regularly paid him attention, when he wasn't molesting his friends that is.

Sure, the blond had to do many chores, since his brother didn't know the meaning of the word _cleaning_, but his childhood was nice enough, if you don't count the period in which his brother believed Ludwig was a girl, now that was definitely Hell in the blonde's mind, a cross-dressing one.

One day, beautiful new dresses arrived at the house. A ball was to be held at the palace and his brother obviously wanted him to cross-dress again so he could make Russia jealous that his sisters aren't as cute as his "sister". Germanyella didn't even dare ask just how much sugar had his brother consumed this morning and ran to hide in the gardens, not wanting to risk becoming Belarus's rival for cuteness, not after she had made it crystal clear that his vital regions will regret it.

Suddenly something amazing happened. As Germany was sitting all alone, there was a burst of light and a fairy appeared. That fairy, much to Germany's growing horror, was none other a very cranky England who just wanted revenge for the last time France molested him, and because Alfred had refused to eat his food after deeming it poisonous.

The fairy smiled evilly. With a flick of his magic wand Germanyella found himself wearing the pinkest dress ever made, probably created for torture purposes only. The poor blonde was about to scream in frustration when the annoying hell hound that dared calling himself a fairy started making a carriage out of a nearby rotten pumpkin, in which Prussia usually kept his porn, hence why it was rotten, and horses out of Prussia's chicks which somehow, defying gravity, were able fly.

Germany was kicking and screaming but he got carted off to the ball anyway. When he reached it he was immediately hugged and treated to pasta by Prince Feliciano Vargas. The price was understanding, but irresponsible and clingy and refused to marry, since he still had bad memories of his days as a maid, beside that he wanted to have eternal siestas and dream of pasta, not of kids who were vandalizing his house .

Few puppy-dog-eyes later and the prince was cuddling with his newest friend and talking about pasta and the latest perverted book that France has given him. All was good and they lived happily, even thou Germany had to do much more cleaning than before. Then one day Italy said:

"Ve~, Germany, my mum said she wanted grandchildren so when are we going to have any children?"

Germanyella easily distracted Italy by giving him pasta and then made a mental note to send Russia after Italy's mother, whoever she might be.

And so Germany never went to the castle or become a Queen, but then again who needs that when they could cuddle with Italy all day long?


End file.
